I've Got My Foot On The Rock

Geisha

She strives to become
The thing she desires
The journey has begun
With many stops and hurdles

Being beautiful is no easy task
She is always aware
Defining what is a woman
Hips to narrow shoulder to wide

She paints her face to hide her own
Her eyes like deep water
A artist of a world hide from the sun
The rest is secret in shadows

Her beauty is admired
The surface of what has become
Tucked and plucked everything is done
Her reward is in the mirror

Her success is measured
Like drops of rain
She’s wet with wonders
Her educate nurtured and trained

She studies her flaws with a careful eye
Those she can change are rearranged
No one expects she was born a man
What remains she hides with destine

There is a point of no return
When what defines is cut off
She’s freed but in prison
A world held by thread

Looking back those she effects
The things she destroyed
The marriage the children
These are the things that matter

The heart dies a slow death
Shedding each hope like leaves
Until one day there is none
No hopes nothing remains

Listen to my words hear my plea
Some where you must find your tranquility
No matter how much I taste and smell like jasmine
I am not that flower

You've been tricked being sifted
to destroy the image of man

Look I was to the point of HRT
I was very passable,with three boy friends
than there was a problem with my sister who
didn't care for my life style and was
married to the district attorney
I was arrested my hair cut of beaten
and worst of all my children took-en
from me.

it took six long hard working years with
hundreds of hours of parenting classes to
be-able to get my children back and to
this day I still cringe when I'm around
the police

while in Jail they kept me in solitary
confinement till didn't let me even have
a razor blade when they finally gave me
one I used a cheap single blade razor to
shave my body I was so cut up and bleeding
that they had to send me to the infirmary

I after 40 days and 40 nights of crying
out to Jesus that I heard from God and
was able to make that transformation
again to a man and now love my self still

I tell you this because transgender community
have the highest suicide rate of all groups
no matter what I did I still wasn't a woman
and just ask one they will tell you "you will
never be"

Listen if I walked that path so can you
Jesus loves you and excepts you as you are

mama bear

Why I Love You

You give to me hope
And help me to cope
When life pulls me down
You bring me around

You teach me to care
And help me to share
You make me honest
With kindness the best

From you I learned love
With grace from above
It's for you I live
And I want to give

You are the reason
That fills each season
When I hear love I think of you
You are my world and best friend too

I love you because you are so kind, thoughtful and caring
I love you because you are so pleasant, lovely and sharing

You made me the man I am
Thank you

when GOD made you he was thinking of me

marry me

I love you babiedoll

with my whole heart

Letters to Joesph my son

Babie boy how I miss you lately its been real hard on me not being able to talk to you, but God showed me that you can and will read my letters, so I am writing you one now.   I know I tried to get your mom to move on you leaving so early with out us ever being able to hold you in our arms.   I don't know how I ever exspected her to move on since I can't my self, and I didn't even carry you in side me for five months like she did soooooooo.

You will have to visit me in my dreams and answer these question for me I have so many.   Did God send you to be with another family that maybe didn't have so many boys I'm sure you would have been my favorate.   Do you get to spend a lot of time with Jesus.  I bet you have a neat room.

I bet you have fun watching koty and I play with your brothers, I told them about you we all made a thing out of marble in the shape of hearts all of them intertwind they wanted to make a heart like me for each of them so I told them about you and they made a heart for you too.   it was neat how michael your next oldest big brother seemed very excepting of you and knows that your in heaven I too like that.   is that you that gets koty going out in the yard, if it is I love watching he is a silly little dog huh.   little mister wiggly butt.

I am sooooooooo sorry that I haven't wrote before this but I promise I will make up for it
Love your daddy

For your birthday my son

My co-parent asked me today what I was planning for Michaels birthday since it is a month away. I told her that I would like to take him to Disney or go deep sea fishing off the coast of Monterey go see yogi bear at yellow stone national park, sit down in a field of yellow flowers that match his hair and have a picnic with some honey of course. Show him a picture of the world and tell him I give it all to you.

She said I am serious nerd, than she said in reality

I am his father who loves him very much. Is it sooooo wrong to speak over my son these are the very promises that my Father in heaven says is mine and his!

Why does God love us so much that he gives with a open hand unending blessing that will over take us that we can not contain. He will place angels around about us. That His hand will guide our path Every step we take he has already given us the land, No matter what I lay my hand to he will prosper.

That in the darkest of times when all seems lost He will prepare a table for us and make our enemies our foot stool, and that he will give me the desires of my heart. What ever I ask for in Jesus name will be done and that I will do greater things than He

God is not a man that he can lie

I know that he will not read this but dear little Michael my beloved child whom I love very much I give it all to you

Blessing on you and yours in Jesus name from us